


Secrecy

by ivorytower



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: F/M, Spoilers for Season 1, i have done my best to make sure there are none for season 2, so you should be safe there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-27
Updated: 2017-01-27
Packaged: 2018-09-20 06:36:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9479603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ivorytower/pseuds/ivorytower
Summary: Shiro asks Hunk for help about his nightmares, and gets some very wise advice in return.





	1. Kitchen

“It’s okay, Shiro. No one has to know.”

Princess Allura, last ruler of Altea, froze as she heard the words. Monitoring the castle was a busy task, though it was one that relaxed her mind. After infiltration, after planted bombs, after everything, a task meant to be done by six Altean soldiers under the supervision of a staff officer had fallen to her.

Many such tasks had fallen to her.

Right now, the security feed -- image, sound, and the whisper-soft extra sensory perception from her Altean magic -- was focused on the Castle’s kitchen. Shiro, the Black Paladin, sat on one of the benches. He was out of uniform, though his sleeves covered most of his arms, including the robotic limb that had replaced flesh-and-blood one. Even the sight of his metal hand made Allura’s skin crawl with anger and disgust at the terrible cruelty the human had undergone at Galra hands.

Across from him stood Hunk, the Gold Paladin, and he too was out of uniform. He had an apron spread across his ample girth, secured firmly at the back with a sure knot. Hunk, Allura knew, was one of the most reluctant of their number, preferring eating and relaxation to fighting, but not to feats of mechanical marvel that rivaled his teammate Pidge, and her own Coran. He had also been contending with the Castle’s food replicators since they’d arrived.

Shiro had sat in a chair, and seemed to fold in on himself. Allura’s fingertips rested lightly against the panel in front of her, and felt both concern for his appearance and guilt that she was spying on what was surely meant to be a private conversation.

“Thanks, Hunk. I appreciate it. Where… where should I start?”

“Here,” Hunk replied, and pushed a book forward on the countertop. “Open it to page two-seventeen and read out what it says.”

“Is this… a cookbook?” Shiro asked, and when Hunk nodded, he opened it. “This is… in Altean? I can’t read any of this.”

“I’m having Pidge and Coran translate it. Mostly, they fight about it, but the recipe I want to try was translated.”

“...with only fifteen Paladins caught in the crossfire?” Shiro guessed, and leafed through the book. “It’ll be nice to have something that doesn’t look like green slime.”

“It’s not so bad once you get used to the texture.” Hunk nodded to him, and turned around, opening up storage units and taking out measurement implements. Allura watched, fascination winning out against concern. “So, are you still having the dreams?”

_ Or not. _ Allura tensed.

“All the time,” Shiro admitted. “Sometimes, as soon as I close my eyes, other times, just before I wake up. My alarm blends into the dream, usually some kind of alert.”

“...and then you get caught?” Hunk guessed. “How many efreilles?”

“Two, it looks like, and… assault?”

“Beat,” Hunk corrected. “I think they’re supposed to be like eggs, so you beat them. Got it.”

“Right, of course. How silly of me,” Shiro murmured. “They’re different from the ones I see in combat. I’m not sure why. Different parts of the same event, different pieces of the same puzzle. Something like that, anyway.”

“Triggers, probably,” Hunk mused as he moved from one storage unit to the next, picking things out with surprising ease. “When you’re going to sleep, it could because of how you woke up and what was done to you. When you’re in combat, it’s more like when they made you fight in the gladiator pits, right?”

“...and the alarm, because an alert went out when I escaped. I think I set it off, somehow, and they came after me,” Shiro finished. He sighed, the book fluttering under the gust of wind. “I need a therapist, Hunk. I’m sorry I brought this to you, I--”

“We don’t have therapists here. Or burritos or video game consoles or the Academy or our families.” Hunk turned, and leaned on the counter. Shiro looked up at him, and Allura watched him too, feeling her heart clench.

_ We don’t have fields full of flowers, or dinner with Father, or-- _

“We only have each other. So maybe you do need a therapist, but we can’t get you one. We can only be here for you. All of us, for you, and you, for all of us.” Hunk broke the efreilles in half expertly, and swirled the yellow-green liquid in a bowl. “Do you think I don’t see how you talk to Pidge, promising her that you’ll look for Matt? I know she goes off mission every time there’s a Galra computer to access and you  _ help  _ her do it. Do you think I don’t see how you help Lance find his place and encourage him because underneath all that flirting, he’s afraid he’s not good at  _ anything?  _ Or Keith, or Allura, or  _ me?”  _ Hunk shook his head. “You’re not just the leader of Voltron. You’re the leader of all of us. Our mentor, our friend. Is it so hard to believe that the rest of us want to help you because of that? What’s next on the recipe?”

“Hunk…”

“Next?”

“Two and a half -- I think -- something called quallits. Are quallits a-- wait, quallits sorgid.”

“It should say what they mean, just under that.”

“Quallits are… oh, they’re like cups. Sorgid is something that is probably like flour.”

“Not so hard, is it.” Hunk smiled briefly, and turned away again. “We’re a team all the time. Not just when we’re piloting Voltron. Not just when we’re fighting Zarkon. That was the lesson from the dining room, and it’s true everywhere. Teams work together. Teams take care of each other. Like you do for us.”

“...and like you’re trying to do for me.” Shiro’s expression softened, just a little. “Thanks, Hunk. I mean it.”

“Aw, I know you do, Shiro. Don’t think it means you’re getting out of helping me bake to go see Allura.”

The last princess of Altea drew back sharply, just as Shiro sat up abruptly. “Why would you--”

“Well, I know you two talk all the time, and I thought you might want to tell her that one of her security cameras is busted,” Hunk said, calm as he measured out the sorgid, but as he turned, Allura thought he winked at her, at the camera. “It hasn’t moved for a long time.”


	2. Command Deck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiro seeks out Allura for an important conversation.

Pilot Officer Shirogane Takashi made his way through the Castle of Lions, lost in thought. Hunk’s advice -- and somewhat odd remark about the security cameras -- occupied much of his mind.

_My team will take care of me if I keep taking care of them. It's so simple and yet…_

And yet, independence and self-sufficiency had been points his instructors had highlighted during his training. And yet, he was the oldest of the humans, though they were all children compared to Allura, and she was even younger than Coran. Asking for Hunk’s help had been hard enough. Asking Allura seemed distasteful in light of all she had lost.

There was a soft, electronic noise, and Shiro looked up. He saw the camera above and raised his hand in greeting. “Hello, Princess.”

“Shiro,” came the reply through his comm.

“I was just coming to see you, he said, swallowing back his nervousness. “Are you busy?”

“Not very. Please, come on up. I’ll be here.”

“Thank you.” Shiro nodded, and continued to walk, the decision all but made for him. The rest of the walk was brisk, and the cameras followed his path, dozens of watching eyes. Oddly, it felt comforting to be watched by Allura, safe under her gaze.

When he reached the command deck, the doors slid open to admit him, and two paces after he’d stepped inside, they closed again. Allura stood at the primary command console. Coran’s console, in front of her and below her on the ground tier, stood empty, though it beeped occasionally. Shiro’s circuit took him to it first, to glance at the readings there while he gathered his thoughts.

The Altean princess watched him, her features all but unreadable, though he sensed something like sympathy from her. “Take your time,” she murmured. “I’ll wait.”

“At what point does taking your time amount to cowardice?” Shiro asked, half to himself, before looking up to meet her gaze. “I need to talk to you. About… about a personal issue.”

“Of course, please,” Allura said. She waved her hand, banishing the three-dimensional light display back to the console, and stepped down to his level. She offered her hands to him and he took them, first one, then the other. Fleetingly, he hoped she couldn’t feel the way he clung to her.

“As you’re aware, I escaped from Galra captivity after being held by them for a year, though it felt longer. A lot longer. They did things to me that even I don’t fully remember. They took my arm, they made me fight in their Pits... I have dreams about it. Nightmares. Memories that I can’t really control. Flashbacks during combats. I’ve frozen up and that’s dangerous, for my team. For you.” Shiro took a deep breath, gathering himself again. “I need help.”

“Then I’ll help you,” Allura replied, and Shiro felt all of the air he’d taken in leave him in a rush. “Did you think I would say no? I sympathize. It’s not the same, but I have nightmares too. Dreams of Altea before it fell, of my father. Of… of the other Paladins, before they were lost. I promise you, Shiro, you don’t have to face this alone.”

“You didn’t tell me you were having nightmares. I’ve never--”

“For the same reason you didn’t tell me about yours until now, I assume. I was trying to be strong, for Coran, for you and the others. We’re all a very long way from home.”

“But you don’t _need_ to be.” Shiro guided their combined hands to rest against his chest, and gently pressed her hand against his heart. “You’ve lost so much, faced down Zarkon and the Galra since before human civilization even thought about stars. There’s no reason for you to have to keep it all inside. You’re allowed to--”

“Be weak?” Allura suggested. “Be vulnerable? That advice applies as much to you as it does to me.” She stepped closer to him, and freed a hand to cup over his metal one. “If I’m not supposed to keep my wants and needs to myself, then neither are you. We can take care of each other. I believe that’s what we’re supposed to do.”

“We’re a team all the time, not just when we’re forming Voltron,” Shiro murmured, recalling Hunk’s words. Allura nodded, encouraging. “That was what Hunk told me. He even suggested I go and see you. He’s very insightful.”

“I have… no doubt of that,” Allura agreed, and smiled. “I don’t think we can keep much secret from him.”

Shiro sighed. “I was worried about that. It’s not… I’m not… you understand?”

“I do, of course I do,” Allura assured him. “There are some things we need to keep to ourselves, from time to time.”

“Then… maybe we can continue this conversation elsewhere?” Shiro dared to smile, and as Allura’s own smile widened, he leaned down to kiss her, freeing a hand to draw her close. Allura grasped at his shirt and kissed him back firmly.

“Yes,” she murmured, during a pause. “I definitely want to continue this elsewhere.”

~ * ~

“Hey, Hunk,” Pidge called out as she poked her head inside the kitchen. “Oh, wow, did you finally figure out how to make cookies?”

“Hey, hey, there were some problems, but your translation work is great.” Hunk grinned. “You’re about to try the first batch. Shiro even helped me.”

“Oh yeah? Did he finally tell someone what’s on his mind?” Pidge walked in and sat in one of the chairs, shorter legs kicking out. “He’s all ‘no one must know my inner pain’.”

“You mean like the rest of us?” Hunk snorted. “Yeah, pretty much, but I think he’ll be more open about it now. Which is only a good thing, right?”

“Yeah,” Pidge agreed. “Hey, shouldn’t he be here, if he helped make these cookies?”

“Nah,” Hunk said, and glanced up at the camera that swept the room mechanically, back and forth. “He’s with the Princess. We’ll save some for him.”

Pidge shrugged. “For both of them, I guess. If they’re good.”


	3. Bedroom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiro and Allura go to her room to continue their discussion.  
> Note: This is the chapter that gets the Explicit rating and the Shiro/Allura tag.

Allura’s bedroom looked nothing like what Shiro, with his extremely limited experience involving Earth royalty, imagined it would. Which is to say, it looked very much like the berths the pilots had been assigned. Nothing within the room could be thrown around while the Castle of Lions was engaged in combat, either because it retracted into the floors, walls, or ceiling or because it had been strictly bolted down.

It certainly made it easier for him to carry Allura to her bed, because there was no fear of stumbling over something, or knocking her into anything but the doorframe. He had only done that once, and they still laughed about it, now and then.

Instead, Shiro turned and stepped through, making sure Allura was well clear of anything that might hurt her, then carried her to the bed before setting her down at the end of it. The moment she was seated, she kissed him, tugging at his shirt, and his own hands stroked over the front of her bodysuit. His fingers roamed down, and depressed the button that retracted the whole thing, leaving the Altean princess in a light, short-sleeved shirt and tight shorts.

Allura’s own hands were busy too, pulling Shiro’s shirt up, and forcing him to pause for a moment. Her gaze fell to his robotic arm immediately, as she always did, and murmured apologies.

“There’s nothing for you to be sorry for,” Shiro replied, as he always did, but kissed gently over both eyelids. “Let me love you. Let me take care of you.”

“We’ll take care of each other, and never forget that.” Allura brought one hand up to cup the back of his neck, drawing him closer for a kiss, while her other hand took his robotic one and guided it between her legs. He couldn’t help but smile, even as he deepened the kiss.

He hooked his fingers into the waistband of her shorts and drew them down, then bent to kiss over the scattering of glowing marks on her stomach. She made a soft, appreciative noise as his lips slid downwards, chasing after newly bared skin.

“Shiro…” she moaned softly, and ran her fingers through the short bristles of his dark hair. She waited for her shorts to hit the floor before opening her legs to him. Carefully, he lifted her hips, and she hooked her legs over his shoulders. Smiling, he eased her back as he knelt, letting his mouth roam lower.

“Beautiful,” Shiro breathed as he took in the sight of her smooth, light brown skin and the strong muscle that lay beneath. He used his flesh and blood hand to stroke over her entrance while the robotic one cupped her hip. “Absolutely beautiful.”

“You say that every time,” Allura murmured. “Please Shiro, I need you.”

“Which is what _you_ say every time,” Shiro mumbled against her skin, and he pushed a finger inside her, slow and steady while he nuzzled between her legs. His thumb came up, stroking along one side, and the noise she made -- high and needy -- sent desire clear through him, pooling between his legs. _Time enough for that later._

Allura dug her fingers into the longer portion of his hair and tugged urgently, and in response, his lips found her clit, suckling it gently. Allura couldn't help but writhe under his ministrations, her breathing coming in soft moans. Shiro’s finger moved steadily, pausing only to add the second.

This close, he felt like he could feel her thoughts, heavy with need. It pressed against him, and he shifted a little as he felt himself strain against his pants.

“Shiro,” Allura called out, and tugged at his hair. “Now.”

 _Now?_ he queried silently, humming the question against her moist warmth.

“Now,” Allura insisted. “Please…”

Shiro withdrew his fingers, eliciting a soft, whining noise from the Altean princess, and hooked his thumbs into the waistband of his pants and underwear, pulling them down in a smooth motion. He kicked them off as he stood, and moved to sit next to Allura on the bed. Shiro leaned over, kissing her, the damp taste of her still lingering on his lips. Allura kissed him back, and moved closer to him, Shiro lifted her onto his lap, and pressed the tip of his cock against her entrance, eager but patient.

“W-what are you waiting for?” Allura asked shakily as Shiro arranged one arm around her waist, holding her securely, while the other went to the ties in her hair and pulled them loose, letting the cascade of her hair brush over him like silk. It took a moment to tuck it to one side, so he could kiss her neck. “To form Voltron?”

Shiro laughed softly. “Making sure you’re nice and safe in the cockpit.” He thrust up, slow and gentle, keeping Allura in place with his robotic arm.

“That’s terri-- oh!” Allura’s protest settled into a moan as he filled her, and clung to his arm with one hand, while the other settled against his thigh. At first, Shiro only moved, and Allura moved with him, a steady rocking motion as the time for words was past, and only touch was in the present. Shiro kissed the spot between her neck and her shoulder, and while his robotic arm never moved, he used the flesh and blood one to cup one of Allura’s breasts, toying gently with the nipple, rolling it between finger and thumb. He kept it up until it was hard, and she let loose a soft gasp, and then switched to the other. When both her nipples were swollen and dark, his hand ventured lower, to stroke her stomach, feeling her tremble with each rise and fall of their hips.

Under his fingertips, the markings on her stomach glowed. He let his eyes drift shut, and he could see them for a moment -- the flowers, the crowds, an older man with sad eyes but a gentle, steadying hand -- before it faded and he whispered in her ear. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Allura gasped out. “But if you don’t--”

“Don’t, what?” Shiro asked, his tone teasing as his fingers rose, and he moved them under, along the soft, warm inside of her thigh. “Don’t do this?”

Allura groaned. “Don’t… don’t _tease_ me.”

“I’m very sorry, Princess,” the Black Paladin said, and slid his fingers up, to stroke over her clit. “I’ll get right on it.”

The Altean arched, her hips moving faster, and Shiro matched each movement, rubbing his thumb in gentle circles. Allura’s breathing came in gasps, and she tensed around him. It was hard for him to hear anything past the blood pounding in his ears, past her breathy moans, past anything until she cried out ringingly. Shiro released a moment later, and together, they moved until Allura lay limp in his arms, and he unwound his grip.

Carefully, Allura twisted and kissed him, running her fingers along his sweat-dampened chest, and he kissed her back, guiding her to straddle him so they could lay back together on her beds, sprawled out on top of the cream coloured blankets. Shiro stroked Allura’s hair with trembling fingers, and smiled up at her.

“Spend the night with me,” Allura urged. “Then neither of us will have nightmares.”

“I want to,” Shiro said, and cupped her cheek. “But you must know it’ll increase our chances of getting caught.”

“I don’t care,” Allura declared. She nestled against his chest, and his arms closed around her by sheer reflex. “And I won’t get up, so there.”

“As you say, Princess,” Shiro murmured, and kissed her ear. “We can both get some rest. Goodnight.”


	4. Afterglow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Old memories and new nightmares abound.

When Shiro’s eyes opened, it was late at night, as far as the Castle of Lions reckoned it. There was no night or day in the depths of space, travelling between systems to avoid Zarkon and the Galra, searching for places where he was weak. There was only ‘feeling awake’, ‘feeling tired’, and ‘being bone-deep exhausted from combat’. More often than not, the Paladins slept in shifts, according to their natures.

Pidge, he knew, stayed up late, a holdover from her time searching the airwaves for news of her father and brother. Lance, to everyone’s disgust, was the early riser of the group, and spent that time poking around, looking for trouble and usually finding it. The others fell somewhere in the middle, with himself and Allura seeming to get the least amount of sleep.

Unless, of course, they were together.

At some point during the course of their post-sex nap, Allura had shifted, curled against his side instead of sprawled on top of him, which might be why he felt cold as he awoke. He shifted a little, looking for a way to fold the blanket over them, when it hit him: the icy, crawling sensation that moved across his skin, and the claw-prickle against the back of his neck.

Shiro eased Allura off of him gently, and touched her cheek when she made an unhappy noise in protest. Slowly, he sat up, weighing his options for finding more blankets when he heard it, the rasp of breathing, and slow footsteps.

_Is someone… they can’t be. Not in the middle of space._

Unless Sendak had somehow survived. Unless he’d done something to the systems. Disgust moved through him in a wave, and he flexed his robotic arm in the darkness. It glowed with a familiar dark purple light, and in response, a second set of lights turned on across the room, close together and distant, but moving in fast.

Shiro’s gaze snapped up, staring as the breathing grew louder, and the footsteps grew closer.

“Hello, little human,” a voice said, out of the darkness and all around him. “I see you’ve made yourself _very_ comfortable in my place. The time for games is over. You have something that belongs to me and I want it back. Now.”

“Who are you?” Shiro asked, voice shaky. “How did you get in here?”

“I am always here,” the voice replied, and chuckled, the sinister sound echoing through the room. “I am all around you. Now. Give it back.”

“Whatever it is, I refuse,” Shiro said. “If it wanted to be yours, it would be with you.”

“Ah, such insolence,” the voice said, and it crawled through Shiro’s nerves like nails on a chalkboard. “Everything you have was once mine. You are my palest shadow, my most unworthy successor. You may resist me, but you will fail. You aren’t capable of succeeding. So, save us both some time and give. it. back.”

Shiro felt each word press down on him like a weight. His heart beat wildly as the shape approached him, all sharp edges and malevolent glow in the darkness. He willed himself to move, but he was frozen, trapped in place. His arm grew dead, falling against his side as though it were nothing but inert metal.

“No,” Shiro said, summoning up all of his calm, all of his defiance. _A Paladin’s greatest weapon is their will. I can’t allow this… whoever it is… to win._ “Never.”

“Who is going to stop me?” The voice sounded by his ear, close enough that he recoiled, and at such a distance, he could see a face illuminated by the failing light in his arm. Eyes, purple and cold, desiccated features, drawn and thin, and the faintest hint of a maw filled with teeth. “You?”

Before Shiro had the chance to answer, the figure lunged and, for lack of any better option, he cried out in fear. His body shook, quavering in the presence of raw malice.

_“Shiro! Shiro!”_

Shiro’s eyes snapped open, and looked up to see Allura, her face grave with concern. “I thought this was supposed to help. I thought you weren’t supposed to have nightmares while we were together.”

As she cupped his cheek, Shiro closed his eyes again. Behind his lids there was nothing but darkness, and he sighed. Allura let her other hand rest over Shiro’s heart, a single warm point on his cold, sweat-dampened body. “It wasn’t the same.”

“Pardon?”

“It wasn’t the same nightmare. I was here, with you. Someone came for me, in the dark. I thought… he seemed familiar. I recognized him, I think. He said…” Shiro swallowed heavily.

“What did he say?” Allura urged. “You’re so cold, let me pull out the blankets.”

Shiro shifted while she moved the blankets. “He said that everything I had once belonged to him. That I needed to give them back. That I-- Allura? What is it?”

The Altean princess had stilled, and in the pale illumination of her room, Allura’s expression was grave. “It’s possible that you were having a nightmare of a… an implanted memory, from your time in captivity. They’re wrong, of course. You owe them absolutely nothing, and they own nothing either.”

“The face… the voice…” Even now, the dream was fading. “I think I recognized them. I think it was Zarkon.”

“Then he was using his dark magic to interfere with you, through your arm,” Allura said, and tucked the blanket around them both. “Pay him no mind at all, he’s a monster. He’s hurt people for over ten thousand years. He has no right at all to hurt you.”

Shiro nodded, and wrapped an arm around Allura, holding her against his side. She wound her own arm around him, hugging him tightly. Shiro let his eyes drift closed again, when something occurred to him. “Allura?”

“Mm, yes, Shiro?”

“You knew the other Paladins didn’t you? The Red, the Green… the Black. What were they like?”

He felt Allura tense beside him, even as she answered calmly. “The other Paladins shared some traits but not others. Hunk and my father have a few similarities, and in their connection with the Gold Lion, as an example, but were very different _people,_ if you follow.”

“I think I do, but… what about the Black Paladin?” Shiro wondered, and stroked her hair gently. “How were they and I similar?”

“In no way whatsoever,” Allura said, her tone stiff. “You were nothing alike at all.”

 

End


End file.
